{"id":94,"date":"2011-06-26T09:34:02","date_gmt":"2011-06-26T16:34:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pixel-stained-wretch.com\/wordpress\/?p=94"},"modified":"2011-06-26T16:08:57","modified_gmt":"2011-06-26T23:08:57","slug":"saturday-night-double-feature","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.pixel-stained-wretch.com\/wordpress\/2011\/06\/26\/saturday-night-double-feature\/","title":{"rendered":"Saturday Night Double-Feature"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last night, I skipped Santa Monica\u2019s yearly not-the-Fourth-of-July fireworks show, and, instead, watched two very<\/em> bad movies on cable. Or parts of them. One was “Going the Distance<\/a>” with Justin (“I’m a Mac, and no matter what I do for the rest of my life, that’s what you’ll remember me for”) Long and Drew Barrymore, playing two annoying and unpleasant people who are dealing with long-distance relationship issues. Before it ended I was honestly hoping for one of them to be killed in a plane crash during one of their expensive, booked-last-minute, cross-country flights.<\/p>\n

The other turkey was “Robin Hood<\/a>” with Russell Crowe (ah, Crowe\/Turkey, I get the bird pun now; THANKS UNIVERSE!<\/em>), that I had to turn off before I threw things at my Bravia, because the film\u2019s whole premise was a complete rewrite of English history, with Richard being killed in battle returning from the Crusades (no, kids, he was not), and a rewrite of the myth, with \u201cRobin\u201d now a thug impersonating the dead Robin of Locksley (spelled “Loxley” in the credits). <\/p>\n

The world did not need another expensive cinematic buggering of the Robin Hood myth\u2014though, it would have been better if the mythic reboot had a storyline where Robin is captured by a wizard and cast into a deep sleep, only to awaken centuries later and, through a series of rom-com coincidences and cute misunderstandings, eventually ends up attacking, robbing, and killing Justin and Drew in “Going the Distance.” I’d buy a Blu-ray player just to watch that<\/em> Robin Hood reboot over and over again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last night, I skipped Santa Monica\u2019s yearly not-the-Fourth-of-July fireworks show, and, instead, watched two very bad movies on cable. Or parts of them. 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