It\u2019s the most wonderful time of the year, featuring the omnipresent background soundtrack of holiday carols that, from sheer repetition, leads me willy-nilly to generate parodic mockeries.<\/p>\n
Here are three:<\/p>\n
🎵\u201cGood King Wenceslas got high
\nOn coke and pot and acid,
\nThen he awoke on Christmas morn
\nAbsolutely blasted.
\nHe tried to smoke the Christmas tree,
\nBut he couldn\u2019t light it.
\nTried to kick the habit but
\nHe just couldn\u2019t fi-ight it!!\u201d🎶<\/p>\n
🎵\u201cI polished off a 6-pack of beer,
\nThe chips, dips, and a cheese tray.
\nAnd now I\u2019m sprawled face down on the couch,
\nSo I can\u2019t see the walls sway.
\nMy bladder\u2019s full but I can\u2019t get up,
\nThe bathroom seems miles away.
\nGood will to all who have self-restraint,
\nBut that sure ain\u2019t me today!\u201d🎶<\/p>\n
🎵\u201cO! come to our meeting
\nWhen we\u2019ll exchange our stories
\nOf binges and benders
\nThat we can\u2019t quite recall.
\nSadly, our families
\nRemember every detail
\nOf their humiliation
\nAt our self-degradation
\nAnd vows of reparation
\nThat we broke one and all!\u201d🎶<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"