Nonetheless, I did spend part of my weekend composing suicide notes for the time-challenged self-annihilator.<\/p>\n
* Sorry to leave you such a mess. But you have my word that I won’t do it again!
\n* Don’t be so surprised \u2014 You know how impatient I was!
\n* Turn out the light, and then, turn out the light.
\n* Yes, it _was_ all your fault!
\n* Hey, look! I finally found the _Undo_ command!
\n* If you _must_ throw dead stuff on my grave, don’t throw flowers. Throw bacon!
\n* At least Death is willing to accept me for who I am.
\n* Hah! Didn’t think you’d have to write that eulogy so soon, did you?
\n* Yes, I did this just so you’d have to take that black suit to the dry cleaners.
\n* Can you hear me now?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"