What your coffee knew in August 2009.
August 31
Actor Robert Mitchum was arrested for marijuana possession on this date in 1948.
That’s what you get for choosing tea over coffee.
August 28
On this date in 1845 Scientific American published its first edition.
Your coffee only reads it for the pictures.
August 27
The Beatles met Elvis Presley on this date in 1965.
Try not to spill coffee on your blue suede shoes—but if you do, just let it be.
August 26
On this date in 580 the Chinese invented toilet paper.
Your coffee uses a paper filter.
August 25
In an act of terrorism meant to demoralize the United States, the British army burned Washington, D.C., on this date in 1814.
Your coffee will never surrender to cowardly tea-sippers!
August 24
In 1853 on this date the first convention of the American Pharmaceutical Association was held.
Your coffee is available without a prescription.
August 21
Kalamazoo, Michigan, passed an ordinance that forbade dance partners from gazing into one another’s eyes on this date in 1923.
Don’t even think about gazing longingly at your coffee.
August 20
On this date in 1890, horror author H.P. Lovecraft was born.
The Great Old Ones recommend Cthulhu Coffee, available at the Miskatonic Cafe.
August 19
The French Academy of Sciences announced that the new photographic process developed by Louis J.M. Daguerre was a gift “free to the world” on this date in 1839.
Your coffee wants a twelve-megapixel single-lens reflex digital camera.
August 18
On this day in 1840, the American Society of Dental Surgeons was founded.
Your coffee wants you to open wide.
August 17
Robert Fulton began the world’s first commercial steamboat service on this date in 1807.
Your espresso wants steamed, foamed milk.
August 14
On this date in 1935, President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act into law.
Your coffee is a benefit to which you are entitled.
August 13
Henry Brearley of Sheffield, England, invented stainless steel on this date in 1912.
Your coffee wants a shiny carafe.
August 12
On this date in 1981, the IBM Personal Computer was introduced.
Press CTRL-ALT-DEL to restart your coffee maker.
August 11
Today is Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak’s fifty-ninth birthday.
Your coffee dances with the stars.
August 10
On this date in 1846, the United States Congress chartered the Smithsonian Institution.
Your coffee has a permanent appointment at the Smithsonian Tropical Research Institution.
August 7
Theophilus Van Kannel of Philadelphia patented the revolving door on this date in 1888.
Your coffee wants a cafe door.
August 6
In 1969 on this date, Willie Stargell of the Pittsburgh Pirates became the first baseball player to hit a home run completely out of Dodger Stadium.
The crowd was stirred—and so was your coffee.
August 5
On this date in 1925, Plaid Cymru was founded in an attempt to preserve the Welsh language.
Your coffi does not require llaeth or siwgr.
August 4
Billboard Magazine introduced its Hot 100 chart on this day in 1958.
You know what else is good when it’s hot?
August 3
In the year 8 C.E. on this date, Roman General Tiberius defeated the Dalmatians.
Your coffee unequivocally disapproves of dog-fighting.